I don't sleep, ever.

I really haven't been sleeping well lately. I'm not sure why. Maybe anxiety. Maybe I get too hyper at night. My room is too messy. Who knows? Thankfully, I literally have nothing to do tomorrow. I'm going to write my internship proposal, finish my thesis paper, and clean my room. But I can sleep in. I'm so excited. Today I woke up at 8 to deal with Research Methods and Individualism. My life should theoretically feel easier right now, but I'm so stressed about the graduate school thing that it just doesn't. Once that is settled, for better or worse (and I'm starting to think it might be worse), I'll feel a little better and won't have to get butterflies everytime I open my mailbox.

So anyway, I'm lying on my bed, and my shorts are too big. That's a good thing, I think. Basically, I'm just staring at the ceiling, listening to Bob Dylan, and pondering the differences between him and Springsteen, and why I've been listening to Dylan for longer but prefer Springsteen. I think I've got it figured out. They're both mediocre singers but amazing lyricists who provide (whether you agree or disagree) pointed social commentary in a manner that is educational and reflective. They both write amazing, relatable lyrics. However, I think the key difference lies in the fact that Springsteen actually means what he says. Dylan, in many interviews, has said many variations of "I just write what sounds good." While I love the man, that makes him seem like he's just not genuine. Springsteen is. Listen to Land of Hope and Dreams. Listen to Jungleland. Listen to Thunder Road. Listen to The Last Carnival. Talk about someone who really puts emotion behind his wordis.

But anyway, right now, I'm happy. I have my bed. My work is almost over. Term III is soon. I think I'm losing weight. It's a windy night, and I actually like when the wind howls at night. Dylan is singing to me. I just need a clean room and a candle, and a glass of wine or cup of coffee, and life would be perfect. I'm enjoy the solitude, the break, and the quiet right now.


I think I think too much. Unless I'm doing yoga, I can never just...be. With yoga, I'm in the mindset that I'm not supposed to think about anything, and that works for me, but without yoga, I can't get myself into that mindset. I feel like my mind is always running at 85mph, and it just doesn't slow down. Maybe that's why I can't sleep. When the room is silent, I think wayyyy too much, but then I put on music, and I'm left contemplating why exactly it is that I prefer Springsteen over Dylan, or if it's true that Matt Doyle is going to be Hugo in the Bye Bye Birdie revival, or why exactly it is that my windows rattle constantly, or how many ghosts there are in Cowles Hall and if the restoration is going to cause them to be displaced, or why exactly did that relationship that ended four years ago fail, and why does he insist on bringing it up every five minutes. Can't we just have a normal friendship-thing for Christ's sake? Sometimes I even imagine these hypothetical situations that would never, ever happen. Strangely enough, I never really think about things that should be keeping me up at night, like student loan debt, grades, the economy, the war, global warming...but still, I can't sleep because I think too much. I think sometimes I need to just settle down, breathe, and relax. And if I'm not thinking, I have a steady stream of song lyrics running through my head, regardless of whether I'm listening to music or not. Sometimes I worry I have ADHD. Maybe when I need to sleep, I should get into Corpse pose and just pretend I'm doing yoga. That might be my new strategy.

I think I'm going to attempt it.