Halle. Effing. Lujiah.

It's almost done. My senior thesis for history is almost done. I finished my draft tonight, and with the exception of the Korematsu v. US case and decision, the inclusion of a page on post-WWII activities of the War Relocation Authority, and the conclusion, as well as the edits I will most certainly have to make from my draft, which I think is actually decent, but it is my first paper of this type and magnitude and my first (feeble) attempt at endnotes rather than a Works Cited page, I AM FINISHED. I probably have an hour or two max left on this paper that has consumed my life all term.

So, here I am with my baby. Excuse the tired eyes and the hat that is covering my dirty hair because I didn't have time to shower today, between the sleeping in and subsequent day in the library to get this done.

Here's the heading. I realized that the date was wrong after I printed it, but that's irrevelant.

So there it is. Hours and hours of my life and college career, wrapped up in a mere twenty pages and ten minute presentation.

It's funny how things come full circle. Term I of my freshman year, my biggest concern was my twenty page paper for Freshman Writing, which I believe I wrote on the difference between our current democratic form of government and Aristotlean and Platoean notions of democracy. This paper was on the role of the Executive Branch and fedeal agencies in Japanese internment and relocation during WWII. So here I am in Term II of my senior year, worrying again about a twenty page paper. This one was much harder in theory beause it was all based on original research and primary documents, but my writing skills have grown so much since I got here that it seemed significantly easier and more manageable, though conducting the research was harder.

We had a little incident at a Capella Weekend last night. The seniors in EC's all-girl group sang a song to the underclassmen...

All that I've missed I see in the reflection passing me while I wasn't paying attention, tired of rushing, racing and running, I'm falling apart. Oh won't you take my hand and lead me. Slow me down

...followed by their "forever song..."

Now the world outside is such a cold and bitter place.Here inside I have few things that will console. And when I try to hear your voice above the storms of life.Then I remember all the things that I was told. I know a please a thank you and a smile will take me far,I know that I am you and you are me and we are one,I know that who I am is numbered in each grain of sand,I know that I've been blessed again, and over again.

...both of which seemed way too relevant. So I'm fine, and then Kayleigh looks at me and touches my arm, and I turn into the typical blubbering mess that I can become all too easily. So I pull myself together, and I walk out into the lobby, and I see Jeremy Gray running at me, yelling "you're not allowed to graduate. You have to fail Pilates!" And it gets me going again, because I'm not ready for this. At all. There's a lot of people and two professors that I can't imagine not seeing on a daily basis. And I hate that. Graduating from college is different from graduating from high school, because not only are you closer with the people in college, but after high school graduation, it is inevitable that you will constantly return to your town, see your family, and you will never have to permanently leave all of the familiar places. The problem I'm having now is that I really feel like I live in Elmira, NY, and I'm leaving it behind permanently. I mean, the sketchiness of this city, the restuarants (particularly local ones), the stores around here, the mall, the roads, the playgrounds, the bars, Tompkins, my campus...it all feels like it's become my home, so in 69 days, not only will I have to say goodbye to the friends that have become my family, but I'll have to leave the town that I've lived in for four years, and I will never, ever be back here for more than 2 or 3 days, and even though I actually am not really a fan of Elmira, NY and NYC is exponentially cooler, that is really sad and really hard for me.

I have the week from Hell coming up. Tomorrow during the day I need to finish my draft for Research Methods. Tomorrow night I have to read for Charlie. And I have a lot of reading. Tuesday I have class all day, then I need to start my term paper for Law. Then on Wednesday I have to study for my Research Methods final, which is at 2:30, then do my Senior Seminar HW (I'm not sure why he gives us busy work, it's a 4000 level class), then I have class until 8:30ish, then I have to finish the term paper for Law, which is due at 9:55am on Thursday, then class all day, and then I have to finish my term paper for History of England, which thankfully isn't that bad because it's only a 6-8 pager (NOTHING!), and I already have four done. Just have to edit it and finish it. Then Friday my life will get easier, so I will be celebrating. Then for next week: Sunday I have to prepare a 20 minute presentation. Monday I have to give the presentation. On Wednesday I may or may not have to give a ten minute presentation on my thesis (if not April 1, it will be April 8). Then that will pretty much be it for the week. Then the last week of the term, Charlie's final paper due on Monday, Research Methods and Senior Sem final drafts due on Wednesday, potential presentation Wednesday night, History of England in class final Thursday afternoon, and HOME ON FRIDAY. It's going to be a long three weeks, but I'm getting there. Really, I just need to get through this week. Then everything is down hill, although I'm not exactly sure how I am going to stretch out my Research Methods presentation for 20 minutes.

To reconcile the two points of this entry (being busy with work and not wanting to graduate), here is my resolution that I literally just came up with. I need to make it through this week. It's going to be hard and exhausting, and not fun at all. I can't wait until Friday. I wish it was here right now. But after this week, I am going to soak in every minute of the subsequent 65 days, and enjoy everything about these last few weeks here. I'm going to spend time with my friends, including friends that I need to spend more time with. I'm going to rock my internship and love my last Twombly class ever. I'm going to make ridiculous t-shirts with Jeremy. I'm going to sit by the puddle in the sun. I'm going to swim in the fountain and roll down the hill. I'm going to eat at all of of my favorite restuarants. I'm going wait until the last possible minute to pack up my room (oh wait, I do that every year). I'm going to take lots of pictures, laugh a lot, and cry a lot. I'm going to enjoy the free drinks that we get during Commencement Week. I'm going to ignore the issue of purple regalia until I actually have to wear it. I'm going to go to Rochester with Jamie to see RENT for what may be the absolute last time (until the revival), especially with Adam and Anthony, and I'm going to love it. I'm going to spend a weekend driving home to see my favorite show with my favorite sister. I'm going to go to Eldridge Park weekly and play frisbee with Kayleigh. I'm going to eat all of the crappy campus food and enjoy the fact that I'm only sort of paying for it. I'm going to do as much free laundry as possible. I'm going to encourage my underclassmen friends to enjoy the rest of their time here. I'm going to get into a car (preferably hers) with Emily and Kayleigh and drive up Mt. Zoar and to the Pennsylvania border to reminisce about getting lost freshman year. I'm going to see Bruce Springsteen and get lost in a crowd, and hopefully the next day I'm going to enjoy Hershey Park with my friends. I'm going to go to Harris Hill and play on the swings. I'm going to try to get in one more trip to New York with my girls. I'm going to enjoy May Days more than I ever have before. I'm going to tell my friends how much I love them and how much better they have made my life, and how they've all changed me for the better.

And right now, I'm going to bed. Long week ahead.